The Emotionally Healthy Church (a sort-of-book-review)

This comes straight from a book that I've just read (Scazzero and Bird's The Emotionally Healthy Church, which is also sold in Australia) but it fits so well with our current focus at Connections that I thought I'd put it here rather than on my other blog where I often put book reviews.

Our focus is on taking responsbility for our response to God's grace. As mentioned in a previous article, we are to have a shape that emphasises “the spiritual growth of Christians [formation] and the finding of spiritual life by those who have not yet encountered Christ [transformation].” We have a responsibility to "work our our salvation with fear and trembling" as God does his work in us (Phil 2:12) and so be a community of people who desire maturity and wholeness in Christ and are willing to count the cost for pressing on towards that goal.

Scazzero's book taps into this desire as he outlines some of the principles that he has learned from his own spiritual growth journey. For him spiritual growth isn't about some nebulous "out-there" form of spiritual experience, it's about real and substantial growth as a person of Christ. And key to this is the need to be emotionally healthy. He writes:

"The sad truth is that too little difference exists, in terms of emotional and relational maturity, between, between God's people inside the church and those outside who claim no relationship to Jesus Christ. Even more alarming, when you go beyond the praise and worship of our large meetings and conventions and into the homes and small-group meetings of God's people, you often find a valley littered by broken and failed relationships." (p17)

My response is "ain't that the truth." One of the little idealisms that I had when the Connections Project was first conceived in 2004 was a thought that "if only we can get a church of young people together, we'll change the world" but the truth is, now that we do have such a church is that, even as young people, we are just like humanity has always been - a littered valley of brokenness, sorrows, sinfulnesses, weaknesses, shames and misdeanours. We need to grow as spiritual, emotional, persons.

From his own experience and research Scazzero proposes "six principles of an emotionally healthy church" which are helpful for us:

Principle 1 - Look Beneath The Service
This principle covers our need to be honest with ourselves about ourselves - to face pains and weaknesses and acknowledge behaviours and attitudes that come from them. It's looking beneath the service in the light of God's love:

"A revelation of God's free grace gives us the courage to face the painful truth about ourselves. As we step out onto the tightrope of discovering the unpleasant things about ourselves, we have a safety net below - the Gospel of Jesus Christ." (p83)

Principle 2 - Break the Power of the Past
This principle causes us to consider the roots of our emotional and other issues in the light of our backgrounds and past - particularly our family of origin which "is the most powerful, influential group that has affected who we are today." (p95). He writes:

"To become a Christian and to be adopted into God's family... does not erase the past. God does not give us amnesia or emergency emotional/spiritual reconstructive surgry. God does forgive the past, but he does not erase it. We are given a new start, but we still come in as babies drinking milk and are expected to die daily to the parts of our lives that do not honor God and follow Jesus... Discipleship, then, must include honest reflection on the positive and negative impact of my family of origin as well as other major influences." (p99)

Principle 3 - Live in Brokenness and Vulnerability
This principle acknowledges that emotional growth lies not in self-reliance or even self-resilience but in a brokenness -brought-to-Jesus. We can look to the example of Saint Paul who's "growth in Christ parallels his increasing sense of weakness and sinfulness." (p118) This principle is counter-cultural:

"Twenty-first-century culture measures strength in terms of power... Brilliant people dazzle us with their intellectual and verbal abilities... We look for building, finances, numbers of people, and large budgets to demonstrate the strength and success of our churches... Yet... Paul argues for the authenticity of his leadership by appealing, not to his visions and revelations from God, not to his successes and gifts, but instead to his weakness!" (p116)

Principle 4 - Receive the Gift of Limits
Each one of us lives within natural limits - the limits of our personality, season of life, life situation, emotional, physical and intellectual capacities, and the scars and wounds of our past (ppp142-143). This principle acknowledges the fact that the world is inherently out of our control and causes us to run headlong into the "core spiritual issue for us if we are to be faithful to living within our God-given boundaries and limits: Is God good and and is God really sovereign?" (p150). He recognises:

"Maturity in life is when someone is living joyfully within their God-given limits. I find most of us resent limits - in ourselves and in others. We expect far too much from ourselves and each other and often live frustrated and angry lives. Much of burnout is a result of giving what we do not possess." (p144)

Principle 5 - Embrace Grieving and Loss
This principle recognises that emotional maturity lies not in superficiality but in acknowledging and, indeed, embracing the losses and sufferings that are at the heart of substantial living. It recognises that that path to Christlikeness is necessarily the path of grief, dying to self, and living for him.
Using forgiveness as an example, he writes:

"Forgiveness is not a quick process. I do not believe it is possible to truly forgive another person from he heart until we allow ourselves to feel the pain of what was lost. People who say it is simply an act of the will do not understand grieving." (p157)

Principle 6 - Make Incarnation Your Model for Loving Well
Finally, the last principle of emotional health recognises that one cannot "love well" unless there is a willingness to "be Christ" to the other person - and that that means loving with a model of "incarnation." Basically, this means willing to be authentically oneself, but truly engaged with another person's world, rather than simply ministering or advice-giving from the outside.

"As I sit, I close my eyes and reflect on the experience of asking people, "What is it like to be you? To walk in your skin?" I am aware of the truth that when we go out of ourselves and live briefly in the world of another person, we never return to our own lives the same person. God changes us into the image of his Son through the process. We learn to die to the ugly parts of ourselves. Our feet are kept on the ground." (p191)

This book has many blessings, and insights for us and our church. I am getting copies for the members of the Connections Leadership Team (CLT) to read. If anyone is interested, I can find a copy for you!