Have you ever had any doubts about God's existence? No offense. Some people take that question in offense.

Not offended. Not offended at all.

I remember when I was five telling my mother I didn't believe in God. I'm not sure why. It was probably precociousness. It's the last time I remember doubting the _existence_ of God.

I remember toying with the idea in my teens. What would it be like if God wasn't real and I could live as a non-Christian? As a hormone-ravaged young lad the initial preoccupation were about the rampant amounts of premarital sex I could (hypothetically) then have. But even then I realised that even that preoccupation would become meaningless if there was nothing else "under the sun" except what I could experience. And emotionally speaking I teetered on the edge of having nothing to hold on to, nothing to refer to, nothing to guide, uphold, support, correct, or shape me. To be defined by and limited to... me, my own thoughts, my own experiences, my own strategems and philosophies. It literally scared me.

The doubts I have now, when I have them, are usually associated with moments of depression - when my emotions have moved away from what is actually True (arguably a good definition for depression). But these doubts would not be about the existence of God, or his goodness - but of his ability to love me, save me, care for me, nurture me, to not turn his back on me or forget me. In other words, in times of depression, I have a tendency to forget the reality and extent of God's grace and embrace the self-centered notion that the love of God revealed in Christ is big enough for everybody except me.

As with all doubts of depression these doubts are irrational and somewhat nonsensical. These doubts are undermined by the truths of the Christian gospel.

So no, I don't doubt God's existence.
And when I do doubt, I am not being sensible.

URL: http://www.formspring.me/briggswill/q/1099266296